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Thread: a few idiots

  1. #1
    Cheese toasties Gav's Avatar
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    a few idiots

    Number One Idiot of 2003
    > I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
    > poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
    > she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
    > the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
    > daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
    > conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
    > poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
    > bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
    > Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
    > Number Two Idiot of 2003
    > Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
    > a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
    > of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
    > river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
    > turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
    > beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
    > They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get
    > it wet; the paint might run.
    > Number Three Idiot of 2003
    > A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
    > of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
    > your muny in this bag."
    > While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
    > to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
    > police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
    > America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
    > minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
    > it and, surmising from his
    > spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
    > him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on
    > a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out
    > a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
    > Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
    > He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
    > Bank of America.
    > Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
    > Number Four Idiot of 2003
    > A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
    > of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
    > in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
    > counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
    > but the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over
    > 21. " The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
    > him because he didn't believe him.
    > At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
    > and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the
    > man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
    > then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
    > police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
    > license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
    > This guy definitely needs a sign!
    > Idiot Number Five of 2003
    > A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
    > revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
    > moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
    > This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
    > Idiot Number Six of 2003
    > Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly He decided that he'd just
    > throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
    > run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
    > window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
    > head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
    > made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on
    > videotape.
    > Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.
    > Idiot Number Seven of 2003
    > Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
    > into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a
    > gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
    > couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
    > ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
    > breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
    > Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (and
    > breed).

  2. #2
    lmao I have read something like this before.

  3. #3
    Skint modder! blue harbour's Avatar
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    *Eveything is never quite enough!*
    *"I love mankind!"- "it's people i can't stand!!"

  4. #4
    Trophy Yellow Member Brad-ZS180's Avatar
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    vThere's a couple of good ones there.

    Notice how they're mostly American.
    14.8 1/4mile.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Brad-ZS180
    Notice how they're mostly American.
    Where would we be without them?
    The driver - Malc
    The car: 1973 ex-police MGB GT V8
    The other car - 2004 ZS180 in XPG

    Alien 1: "The dominant life forms on Earth have developed satellite-based weapons."
    Alien 2: "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
    Alien 1: "I don't think so... They have them aimed at themselves."

  6. #6
    I cant remember where or when but this is supposed to be a true story from dear old England,

    A gang were planning a job on a bank, one had been told that using lemon juice would prevent the CCTV being able to make out their appearances, so before entering the bank they covered their faces liberally with Jif.

    During questioning (yes they were caught!) one of the scally wags proclaimed his dismay that the old lemon juice trick didn't work, the questioning officer pointed out he was probably meant to cover the CCTV lens with it, not their faces!

  7. #7
    Fishy Fishy Cronus's Avatar
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    Blackpool...near the fish
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  8. #8
    From the Darwin Awards...

    An Iraqi terrorist , Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was killed in the resulting explosion.

    The driver - Malc
    The car: 1973 ex-police MGB GT V8
    The other car - 2004 ZS180 in XPG

    Alien 1: "The dominant life forms on Earth have developed satellite-based weapons."
    Alien 2: "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
    Alien 1: "I don't think so... They have them aimed at themselves."

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